homemade presents

Drunk Crafting and the world is your oyster

You should always Craft.  You should and shouldn’t do it drunk depending on how sharp your crafting tools are to the tequila shot ratio! Mas Importante!

Have you seen drunk cooking on youtube?  Well she rocks and I can relate!

Please relate yourself by selecting the link. Jar-garita anyone?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT46FV64dr8&list=TLqZZmMMgDhipajffeAcJNEwwuEoRr6dYe

Back to myself!  I was kindly crafting my pottery barn tile I purchased for $1.87, when out of the blue I was stricken with unfortunate news.  It went something like this:

” Hello this is scheduling and we are going to mess with your life. You thought you were going home Friday but due to some unknown circumstance you will be going home Saturday.”

Oh forget me, I have no life.  Don’t worry about me, I have been on reserve for 8 years and expect this crap by now.

For example:

Scheduling :  “I’m sorry Captain you can’t have Friday off for your own wedding”

ME :               “But, I have been planning this for almost a year!
Scheduling :     “Are you refusing to fly?”

ME:                 “Are you kidding me? Oh My God you’re not!”

That’s been my life for 8 years. It’s been awesome! Go become a pilot kids!

So back to the real story.

THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER: I don’t know what it means, but I love the idea.

Something so gross can either mean your life has the chance of becoming a pearl or becoming dashed with cocktail sauce and horseradish slippery and raw consumed in one swallow.

Whatever it means I want it hanging in my house.  The United States use to represent hard work and you could achieve anything.  Now, its like this quote.  It’s and 80 percent chance my hard work will equate to being eaten with horseradish in a slurp the 20 percent chance is it may bring me a pearl.

I’m still hanging onto the 20 percent chance that it becomes a pearl and I will never give that up.  I will work harder to fix that. I will educate and strengthen my resume to get out of my position. I will sacrifice!

Oh so I was crafting:

20131009_140611

My $1.87 score from pottery barn.. This was $70.

I bought a paint pen and straight acrylic paint for the fabric.   I enlarged the words and traced them onto my canvas, then filling it in with paint.

Filing in the outline

Filing in the outline

Somewhere around here I got the call from scheduling, and I decide to commit to drunk crafting.  Things were going great

20131009_152512

Great?

Maybe a little too great.

yeah looking good

yeah looking good

NOT SO GOOD

Fail

Fail

Okay things got a little squirrelly at the end… Oh well:

                                                               The World is My Oyster!

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Categories: adventure, craft, crashpad, don't becom an airline pilot, don't become a pilot, homemade presents, survival, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Cake Flour

When you live in a crashpad it’s not recommended that you borrow (steal) your roommates food or beer.  I however decided I was exempt from this rule with disastorous results.I knew there was flour and sugar hanging out in a big tub underneath the counter.  Having eyed my roommates for any hint of baking skills I quickly wrote them off as ever using the flour.

I went to the grocery store and purchased my cheddar cheese, rosemary, and lemon zest for my bread passing on purchasing flour.

As I mixed the ingredients I had this bad feeling that I was not actually cooking with all purpose flour  but with a cake flour.   I pressed  on cutting the rosemary and zesting lemons into the mix.  The recipe calls for 12-18 hours of proofing (that’s baking talk for letting the yeast rise), during this time I managed to play two games of laser tag, visit the gym, and sleep.

This morning I was pissed.  My bread dough feels like really dry cake and didn’t rise.  I still threw it in the oven, just in case I invented the next bagel or something.

This doesn't resemble bread at all.

This doesn’t resemble bread at all.

So, I have moved on to batch #2.  Not learning from my mistakes I found a bag of expired flour (2008 was the expiration) that doesn’t belong to me.  I mixed my ingredients back together. I’m a little mad that this batch will not have lemon zest (I ran out).

Batch #2 with expired flour.

Batch #2 with expired flour.

Cake Flour  VS. All Purpose Flour

Let’s learn about the difference between cake flour and regular flour while I’m waiting another 12-18 hours for the bread to rise.

Cake flour lacks some of the protein (think gluten) that regular flour has.  Gluten as we all know is apparently the devil to 80% of America right now.  I enjoy gluten, and can’t imagine life without.   Gluten is the protein that binds the bread together, the stickiness that helps it rise.  Cake flour feels lighter to me almost silky like a mix of corn starch with the flour.

Batch #1

Batch #1

So this is batch #1 after being baked. Notice how lumpy and un-bread like this is. Cake Flour being finer and having less protein can’t rise like regular dough.

Batch #2

Batch #2

Batch #2 turned out a little flat.  But that was only due to the fact that I let it rise in a large pot.  Had I kept it in a smaller pan it would have been more dense.  Still this was very easy and the recipe I used had various ingredients you could add.    For example: Cranberry orange, almond bread and Guyere cheese lemon rosemary bread. Yummy

Here is the link if you get bored.

http://www.simplysogood.com/2010/03/crusty-bread.html

Categories: bread, cake flour, cranberry orange almond, crashpad, expired flour, gluten, homemade presents, proofing, survival skills, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

What to buy your lady friend for Christmas!

I’m sure you have procrastinated and waited until the last-minute to buy your  ______________ (insert mother, girlfriend, wife, mistress name here) a Christmas Present. So here is some quick ideas.

#1  The LUSH bathbomb

Lush%20bath%20bombs

These things are the bomb!

When I was going to school in London my male friend swore by these bathbombs made by Lush and got me hooked. His favorite bathbomb was the “Rose Queen”.

It has rose petals hidden inside that float around in your bath when they are dissolved (yes a small pain to clean up but awesome)!  You can’t go wrong with these or the bubble bars!  Order at Lush here.   Great for any lady in your life.

#2 Infinity Scarf

Awesome!

Awesome!

These scarfs are hot this year!  For those who aren’t in the loop.  This is basically a scarf sewn together (hence the name infinity scarf). This is a great present and can be found at any store or easily sewn if you are handy enough.

#3  Etsy Stamp (better move fast on this)

Address Stamp

Address Stamp

These stamps make addressing a letter easy as snapping your fingers. It will also impress anyone you write to.

You can purchase smaller ones but they take 7 days to process so act fast!  Etsy has a herd of people who make these. I prefer the self inking ones but this stamp is pretty cool.  Click here to check them out.

#3 Bigelow Lip Gloss

Any

Any of them are great

These can be found at Bath and Body Works.  For $7.50  a pop I was a little hesitant purchasing them, but they are worth their weight in gold.  Great for dry winter lips and menthol is my favorite!

#4 Aloe Infused Spa Socks

To die for!

To die for!

I found these at Walmart after a long day of shopping in the drug section near foot stuff (think Doctor Scholl’s section)

These things are amazing after a long day of wearing high heels.  It feels like I’m walking on air.  You can purchase this brand at Walgreen also should be $5-10.  I think DR Scholl’s has a good Aloe infused brand also.

#5 Roomba

Saved my marriage

Saved my marriage

My husband loves me! In reality he was probably sick of me coming home after 5 days of being gone to dirty wood floors (my pet peeve) and bitching at him for not sweeping while I was gone.  So he got me Roomba by I-Robot, my new best friend to save our marriage.

I let this bad boy assist me in my chores and has saved me tons of time.  I can even program it to clean the house while I’m not home.  I love him (my husband and my Roomba).  This is an expensive gift but worth every penny!

#6 Books, books, and more books

Beautiful book

Beautiful book

This is one of my favorite books ever! It’s a true story written by Jeannette Walls of how she came literally from nothing (she had no food, no clothes, no support) to move away and graduate from an Ivy League school and became a success story.  This is motivational story on how your drive and dreams can take you out of  any horrid situation and reach the top.

She also wrote a follow-up book called all “Half Broke Horses” about her grandmother that was amazing. These were both New York Times bestsellers so you may need to snoop around to see if they had read them.

This was an Oprah book club book

This was an Oprah book club book

“Stolen Lives” was on Oprah’s book club list for a bit.  It’s a story of her family’s survival in a Moroccan Prison and escape.

Molakai” is a story of a girl from Hawaii sent to a leprosy colony in the 1900’s.  The author Alan Brennert, also wrote another book called “Honolulu” that was wonderful.

I’m sure everyone has read Eat Love Pray by now, but if your mother lives in a cave perhaps this is a good one for her.

The new JK Rowlings book Casual Vacancy may be a good idea.

Well good luck with the shopping!

Categories: address stamp, aloe infused socks, bigelow, birthday, christmas, glass castle, homemade presents, infiniy scarf, molokai, present, roomba, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Merry x-mas, you get my crappy homemade present

I’ve been really sweating finances lately.  My husband and I both took a 60 percent pay cut last year to move on with our career trajectory in hope that things will be better for us 5-8 years from now.

Yeah, that last sentence  shouldn’t make any sense to you unless you’re a pilot.  It’s part of the 50 dumb things you have to put up with in our career field.

In any case we’ve been burning through cash fast and I’m sure you all have had that moment where everything breaks at once.  That’s where I am right now.  A few months ago my 5-year-old A/C broke and $1700 later it was fixed, I paid about $1800 to interview for my “dream job”, and last week I had the pleasure of spending $2000 in less than 6 days to pay incidental expense associated with my new job.  Needless to say I’m out of cash and basically just spent 3.5 months of future wages.

So thank God Christmas is less than a month away, not!

I remember coming home when I was younger with ugly homemade Christmas ornaments that my parents graciously said were wonderful to save face.  You know what I mean. Those ugly pipe cleaner ornaments you made in kindergarten and the stupid traced hands decorated as a Christmas tree.

Guilty, we’ve all made these and your parents lied to you and said they were wonderful

Well with that in mind I’m hoping that my lovely family and friends will lie to me and save face when the receive these ornaments as gifts this year.

I purchased plastic ornaments from Michaels for $1.40 (Black Friday sale) and then gathered toys from my local Party Store to create my winter wonderland diorama ornaments.

I first started by cutting a hole in my plastic ornament to make a window.

I didn’t cut myself doing this!

I then spray painted a white paint inside and out to make a quick base layer so the acrylic paint would adhere better.  You can see that I chose to hold it with my fingers while I spray painted to receive a dual purpose manicure.

French tip manicure, please!

I then painted with acrylic paint and a sponge brush inside and out. I did about 2-3 layers to get the right transparency.

This was the 3rd layer of paint

I used a clear modge podge to give it a shiny transparency over it. All though I’m sure you could spray paint a clear spray finish for the lazy ones.

As those ornaments were drying I embarked on a winter snow globe type of ornament.  This was kind of a pain in the butt.  I had to use chopsticks and a meat thermometer to position the animal on the subfloor with a glue gun.

Here’s a few of the finished ones.

The island of misfit toy lineup

Well I have some of the presents complete. Now I got to think of the supplemental gem to go along with these.

Categories: art, christmas, craft, homemade presents, poor, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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